I’ve only just noticed that eBay has a Weird Items category. It’s definitely worth a look. When I looked today a selection of items up for offer included ‘5 grams of earth collected from Castle Dracula in Romania’, ‘a mystery object found in garage’, ‘a random box of Crap’ and a ‘limited edition Hannibal Lecturd Turd sculpture’.

Last Monday night Paula and I went to see “An Evening With Derek Acorah”. As you know I do not believe in mediums, spiritualism or psychic ability. We went to satisfy my curiosity and to confirm my belief that such shows could be performed using non-psychic techniques just as Derren Brown did in Messiah. Admittedly I did not go with an open mind, but I was interested to see if I found anything particularly puzzling, or unexplainable to me. I didn’t, and my beliefs (or lack of them) remain unchanged.

Here’s how I remember what happened in the show.

Introduction:
The lights went down, requiem style music starts, the music becomes more upbeat and a gravelly voice says something like “Welcome to the Psychic World of number one psychic medium Derek Acorah. Please welcome to the stage Mr Derek Acorah”, and from stage-right in walks Derek wearing a dark suit hands clasped in prayer. Behind him is a large screen showing Derek’s head, there is a camera man and a sound technician (presumably controlling the microphones used in the show). Behind me is a large Welsh woman with large voice and died jet black hair who immediately cried out “Derek!”. We will refer to her as Myfanwy in the rest of this blog, as she was pretty entertaining too. The camera pans around the audience, giving us all a chance to wave. Derek begins by explaining that if anyone in the audience feels a connection with the info he is given they must make themselves known and a mike will be given to them (and their heads displayed 20ft high on the screen behind Derek). He then rants a bit about spiritualism, Most Haunted and explains the psychic queuing system that loved ones must obey. His spirit guide Sam will help him talk to the spirits. Throughout this there are lots of “Mmmms” and “yes’s” from Myfanwy.

Spirit 1: Hilary and John Goldstein
Derek claimed to be in contact with a Hilary and John Goldstein who were a married couple. Myfanwy was desperate for these to be her relatives, and every time Derek described anything myself and Paula (not Derek) could hear her confirming or rejecting the information. The presentation went something (from memory) like:
Derek: “I have in front of me a little old lady”
Myfanwy: “yes..”
Derek: “She would have passed away in her 60s
Myfanwy: “yes..”
Derek: “She had dark hair pulled back in a bun or something”
Myfanwy: “yes..!”
Derek: “She had a bronchial problem; something wrong with her lungs”
Myfanwy: “YES..”
Derek: “Her name is Hi..lar…y Go…l…d…stein
Myfanwy: “Nope it’s not her”

This was hilarious for Paula and I. Everytime Derek described anyone, Myfanwy was certain it was one of her family, and then something would cause her to say “Nope. Not him.”. This happened for each of the five readings (yes Derek only did five readings in the show).

Once Derek had pointed out we were looking for married Hilary and John Goldstein and they were looking for someone up in the ‘Gods’ of the theatre, he asked the audience if this made sense to anyone. The first who put their hand up was a girl maybe in her thirties.

Girl: “My mum is called Hilary, and my Dad is called John, and my Mum works in Goldsmiths jewelers. Is it me Derek?”.
Derek: “Have they passed away?”
Girl: “No”
Derek: “Then it’s not you love.”

After a couple more misses with the Goldstein’s the theatre went quiet, so Derek was up an out into the audience. He ran off stage left, and appeared at the side door of the stalls (where we were sitting). With a waft of aftershave, he ran on through to the centre of the stalls. As he passed one 40-something woman, she held out her hands and Derek touched her as he passed. She immediately held them to her nose and said to her friend “Oooh, he smells lovely” then let her friend have a wiff too.

He then headed up to the ‘Gods’ and pleaded again for someone to claim the Goldsteins. After a few more misses, eventually a 30-something guy grabbed the mike, and said that friends of his Mum and Dad were called Hilary and John but he couldn’t remember their surname as he was quite young. Quite why these people would want to contact him is beyond me, and surely Sam could have found a more deserving match, anyway Derek then proceeded to tell him a few less specific things:

“You’re in a quandary about something at the moment aren’t you?”
“You’re wondering whether to up-sticks aren’t you?”
“Someone needs to go to the dentist. You know who.”
“Who’s David?” (turned out this was the guys name - this impressed the audience for some reason)
“They’ve been watching you doing the tiling in the kitchen”.

This would all be amazing, other than the fact that don’t those things apply to every 30 something bloke (they certainly apply to me)? Anyway David was suitably impressed and Derek returned to the stage.

Spirit 2: Sid Barker, Reg and Lillian
Derek: “I have a well built gentleman. Very muscular. I can see bricks and a spirit level, I think he worked in the building trade. The name I’m getting, thanks Sam, is Sid. Yes Sid Ba…r…ker. I can also see, yes come forward sir, yes another chap. He’s called Reg, and I’m also getting a Lillian. Does this mean anything to anyone”. (again this is paraphrased from memory, and does not include loads of “OK’s” and “thanks Sams” that actually occurred.

We had a load of misses again, in fact Derek was getting a little bit stroppy, reminding everyone to only put their hands up if ALL the names mean something to them. Here are a few of the misses that I can remember (there must have been 8 or 9 in all).

Woman at the front: “My grans name was Lillian. Is it her Derek?”
Derek: “What about Sid and Reg?”
Woman at the front: “Nope, don’t know any.”
Derek: “It’s not you love”


Bloke in the stalls: “My Dad was Reg Baker, but he wasn’t a brickie. Don’t know Sid or Lillian though.”
Derek: “Nope, try the girl at the back…”

He finally picked another bloke in the stalls, asked him who “Steve” was. Did a bit of spiritual healing on his bad back and we broke for the interval.

After the Interval: Spirit 3: Bloke who shot himself, Spirit 4: The Barratts and Spirit 5: Alice May Cambell from Scotland
After the interval Derek reappeared having got changed into a different suit. The second half went in much the same way as the first, with Derek describing a spirit, trying to find a match in the audience, running up and down the stairs, and saying fairly general things like “You should do that course” to a young studentlike girl.

When looking for Alice May Cambell from Scotland, Derek pointed out that she had terrible eyes and would say she was “as blind as a bat” without her glasses. A hand raised in the balcony and the dialogue went:
Woman: “I think my grandmothers middle name was McCambell, is it her Derek?”
Derek: “What about her eyes? Did she have problems with her eyes?”
Woman: “No. She had terrible ears though”.
Paula and I doubled up at this point, it was hilarious.

As Derek came to the end of the show he did a bit of a speech on spiritualism, well a lot of a speech actually, and drew the show to a close. Myfanwy never did get to speak to her relative. I’m sure she will follow the tour around hoping to get ‘contact’

He walked off stage right and as he reached the wings turned back to the stage, gestured ‘follow-me’ with his hand and said “Come on Sam”. I can imagine his little spirit guide scampering off stage following him like a lapdog.

It was a hilarious night, and I really enjoyed the show, but for all the wrong reasons. I still remain unconvinced by the act, but loved the evening. I have tickets booked to see Derren Brown again this year, let’s see how the shows compare.

We are trying to sell our house, so this weekend I decided I would finally put pay to a number of squeaky floorboards on the landing; so cordless drill at the ready I proceeded to screw the offending boards down. I had finished, and was walking around testing for squeaks when one of the boards creaked under my weight (understandable some might say, but that’s another story).

I knelt down, and screwed a nice silver screw into the board, whereupon I was squirted in the eye by three foot of water.

I had screwed right into a copper pipe. At this point a large volley of swear words were unleashed, and I proceeded to:
1. Turn off the water
2. Turn on the hot taps to empty the tank/boiler

The water carried on coming, so I ripped up the floorboard, yes the one I had just spent 1/2 hour screwing to the floor so that it would never move again, and managed to suppress the flow with my thumb.

Fortunately one of our neighbours used to be a plumber, and between him and the landlord of my local boozer, he manager to repair the pipe. Thanks a LOT Darren.AD8

Anyway, I’ve managed to re board the floor and put everything back to normal.

I went to bed last night, walked along the landing, and you guessed it “squeak, squeak, squeak…”

Richard Stokes has created maskelynemagic.com a website “that attempts to unravel the truth behind the wartime career of Jasper Maskelyne.” He is not a fan of David Fisher’s “The War Magician” refering to it as an “error-ridden fanciful concoction”. I couldn’t really comment on that, but the site does offer a wealth of info including some really good photo’s of the dummy tanks that Jasper created and a large quantity of articles written by Richard.AD37

Fortean Times has published a good detail article about the role of magic in war. There is a detailed account of Robert-Houdin’s involvement in stopping a revolt in French Algeria, as well as brief details regarding Jasper Maskelyne in WWII.AD45

Derren Brown’s Messiah aired Friday and it was brilliant. He travelled around the US meeting with five influential people behind certain belief systems: psychic ability, christianity, new age, alien abduction and spiritualism. In each case he claimed to have ‘powers’ supporting their beliefs and demonstrated them; if any were to question whether Derren was tricking them and challenge him he would reply truthfully that he was. None questioned his ability and all believed that he was demonstrating proof of their beliefs. He stated that all of his effects were achieved through “magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection, and showmanship”.

To challenge psychic ability he was “Daniel Owen” who developed skills after being struck by lightning. He demonstrated his skills to a number of psychics. This involved psychic Abby being sent to another room and asked to draw four simple images each of which Derren described to the others. One great moment was when Derren says to Abby “images sail through your mind… don’t go overboard…”, at which point she draws a boat. When she returns with her drawings Derren has described each of them pretty accurately. A bearded psychics comments on Derren (or Daniel)’s sincerity, and all are convinced at his psychic ability.

Next Derren challenged Christianity by posing as “James Lawrence” who converts people to Christianity by poking them. This was demonstrated to Curt Nordhielm and Evangelist minister. Presumably using some form of hypnosis, Derren gets all of the previous non-believers to convert, leading to Curt being impressed but wanting to meet Derren again before giving a public endorsement. All participants were ‘de-converted’ after the demonstration.

As Robert someone-or-other, Derren next poses as a new age entrepreneur who has invented some sort of dream recording machine. This is lent to a new age publisher who sleeps on it for a week, before meeting up again with Derren. After sticking some probes to his head, Derren proceeds to relay some aspects of her dreams back to her. How she is convinced by this is incredible, but none-the-less she is and invites Derren onto a radio show she runs. He declines.

Derren next turns to alien abduction author and expert Ann Druffel, posing as abductee Richard Collins who since being abducted can read peoples medical problems just by touching them. He points out Ann’s medical problems and she is so amazed she thinks it needs to be written up in a scientific journal. She invites him to speak at a meeting that evening, and again he declines.

The last is my favourite, as he challenges spiritualism. If you’ve read my previous posts on Derek Acorah you will know my scepticism in this area. For this one he poses as Fraser Sherwell spirit medium, and does a reading for a number of sceptical New Yorkers (tough audience). He has three hits in the audience, reducing two of them to tears. Using the standard coldreading techniques, he performs excellently, giving a very convincing reading. If you didn’t know otherwise you would think he really was speaking to the dead. You can bet your life there will be people watching thinking that Derren really does have these powers ’subconciously’ and doesn’t realise it. Some people will never be convinced. For me this was a really important experiment. Sure it will upset people and he will no doubt get loads of complaints, but it shows that if people want to believe then they will believe. Brilliant.

Derek Acorahs show “The Antiques Ghost Show with Derek Acorah” is being repeated on Ftn this week (5/6/10/11 Jan 21.00). I’ve only seen a couple of these, but he gets really carried away with some of the ’spirits’. Really funny stuff.

Derren Brown is attempting to take on the Church in the USA. In the new series ‘Messiah’, Channel 4: Friday, January 7 2005 (22:35 - 23:40), Derren approaches spiritual leaders and attempts to convince them he is new new Messiah using his standard mind control methods.

Derren says “Messiah is a documentary-style show where I go to America and get to meet those influential people behind certain belief-systems. Two targets are new-age beliefs and mainstream Christianity.”

“Can I get those people who are responsible for the beliefs of hundreds of thousands of people, to endorse me as being the real thing?”

I reckon he has every chance.